Friday, January 30, 2009

"Scars are souveniers you never lose, the past is never far..."

Name-by Goo Goo Dolls
This song speaks to me.

As does this weeks lesson in:

# 4 Surrendering to Creative Cycles

For I have been navigating through the darkness for some time now. There have been days that I don't know who I am, where I am or where I am going. There is a big, black pit in my house. I've been plunged into a void of grief. No one seems to understand or care. Where is the girl who likes to have fun all the time? Where is the girl who solves all of our problems? They have lost their patience with me. Many have given up and walked away. (*Note* Nothing like being abandoned, when you feel abandoned! )Then again I have lost patience with myself. I have felt guilty and ashamed. Shouldn't I be over it by now? Shouldn't I be doing more of what I used to do? Not to say about the weird experiences, dreams and signs I've been getting. Shouldn't I really just keep my mouth shut and be the girl everyone wants me to be? A time out never occurred to me. That I needed one ,deserved one or that it could be mandatory for my health.Grief and everything that comes with it has clued me in on a lot of things. So has this lesson. It is OK to mourn my loved ones. It is also OK to still love them and to talk about them. It is OK to talk about what inspires me and moves me. It is OK to be quiet. It is OK to be loud. It is OK to be ME. Even if other people do not like it , understand it, or walk away. I will search within myself , outside myself and trust that my creative spirit is reamerging into who she is meant to be. For I shall know my Name:)