Wednesday, February 2, 2011
It's Wishcasting Wednesday and Jamie's prompt question for this week is:
What Burden Do You Wish To Put Down?
My answer: (Survivor's) Guilt
I don't care how old you are. Losing your only sister and then your dad eighteen months later does something to you. It messes with your mind. At least it has for me. I wonder sometimes what I have done that is so wrong in this life to deserve to be without them. I don't think they should have died so young. They were such rays of light and had much to offer this world. In my head I know I couldn't have saved them, yet I still beat myself up for not noticing the signs sooner. As if (in my Dad's case) I even had a chance of winning the battle against Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma. Then of course I start beating myself up for things I should have said or what I should have done in all aspects of my life. I know how much my "sissy" and Daddy loved and appreciated me. They told me so. With their words, actions, in cards and letters. Grief has just done a number on me. Better yet, It is the potter and I am the clay. Constantly manipulating me.
I feel ashamed even as I write this.
My friend's beautiful five year old little boy has been diagnosed with cancer. It is going to be a long journey for this beautiful child and his family. If I truly have one wish this week it is for Kaiden. Please pray for him. Send healing vibes his way. Also if you would like to send postcards to him and his 8 year old brother (Ashton) to brighten their day, please let me know or check out Cards for Kaiden to Kick Cancer - Technorati Family. We are hoping to "fill up the map" on a bulletin board of encouragement.