Wednesday, February 2, 2011

It's Wishcasting Wednesday and Jamie's prompt question for this week  is:
What Burden Do You Wish To Put Down?
My answer:  (Survivor's) Guilt
I don't care how old you are. Losing your only sister and then your dad eighteen months later does something to you. It messes with your mind. At least it has for me. I wonder sometimes what I have done that is so wrong in this life to deserve to be without them. I don't think they should have died so young. They were such rays of light and had much to offer this world. In my head I know I couldn't have saved them, yet I still beat myself up for not noticing the signs sooner. As if (in my Dad's case) I even had a chance of winning the battle against Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma.  Then of course I start beating myself up for things I should have said or what I should have done  in all aspects of my life. I know how much my "sissy" and Daddy loved and appreciated me. They told me so. With their words, actions, in cards and letters. Grief has just done a number on me. Better yet, It is the potter and I am the clay. Constantly manipulating me.
I feel ashamed even as I write this.

My friend's beautiful five year old little boy has been diagnosed with cancer. It is going to be a long journey for this beautiful child and his family.  If I truly have one wish this week it is for Kaiden.  Please pray for him. Send healing vibes his way. Also if you would like to send  postcards to him and his 8 year old brother (Ashton) to brighten their day, please let me know or check out Cards for Kaiden to Kick Cancer - Technorati Family. We are hoping to "fill up the map" on a bulletin board of encouragement.

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sues2u2 said...

Lissa, I'm so sorry for your friend & her family. Please let me know how I can send them a postcard. Sunny Az & all of that.

I think I've told you this before so bear w/ me if I have. Every April I go to pieces. My beautiful little baby nearly died & even though he survived & has thrived since then I still loose it as the memories & fears come screaming back. I actually hate Mother's day even though that's the day he was taken off the ventilator & was able to stay off. Even though it was my first MD I still hate that day.

I wish you so much peace, joy, happiness & love for all the rest of your days.

Julie Jordan Scott said...

Oh, Lissa. So heartfelt. I will most definitely pray pray pray for Kaiden and Ashton, the Mom and Dad.... for healing and hope and wisdom from the medical team. Oh, dear Lissa. Your heart is so tender and giving and ripe. I just want to hug you and hug all the grievers in the world.

I am so sorry for your family losses: your sister, your father... and the sadness that comes from being here still, without their daily presence.

You read of Marlena's death in my wishcast. I also lost my brother almost three years ago now. No one tells you how difficult it is to lose a sibling.

I tell you this because I know how difficult it has been for me to lose people far too young... and how much I have argued with God and shook my fist asking why I wasn't taken instead? I was willing to go, God, why not take me instead?

Our grief expressed and shared opens us to the love we knew with those who died. Please hold this love offering I give you now and know, a part of my love comes from your love shared with your sister and father.

As Lissa wishes, so I wish for her also.

And I feel compelled to say... Amen.

Googlover/keishua said...

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine what you are feeling. Thank you for sharing this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friends family.As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you.

Beverley Baird said...

My heart goes outto you. I lost my mom 2 years ago and at times the grief is once again strong.
As Lissa wishes for herself, so do I wish for her also!
I would love to send a postcard to the boys! Let me know where to send them.
Do take care of yourself.

Lucy Ladham-Dyment said...

Wow, what a wish. As Lissa wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.

Jennifer said...

Lissa, I'm so sorry for your friend & her family. Please let meknow how I can send a card too.

Sending you love, peace, light, and healing!~

Email me at

Her Speak said...

Incredible. Your strength is amazing. As Lissa wishes for herself, and her friends, so I wholeheartedly wish also.~*

Yvonne said...

This makes me really sad. I'm sorry for you and your family.
And also for the little boy. I wish you all a lot of strenght and I will pray for him.

GlendaM said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you and your friend's family during this difficult time.

As you send this loving wish to your friend's son, I too make the wish.

Maria said...

I am so sorry for your losses. Wanting to lift the burden of grief is important work so as you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also. ~M

Cindy Jones said...

I wish for you to begin letting go of survivor's guilt. I will say a prayer for Kaiden. As you wish for yourself, I wish for you also!

Sarah Lulu said...

Oh Lissa, such a loving person you are.

Sending good Australian hugs and prayers for Kaiden and his family.

And my own wish for you to be lightened and go forth and enjoy your life as it is now ...with whatever joy comes your way.

As you wish for yourself I so lovingly wish this for you also.

Grace said...

I don't really know what to say that would bring you any comfort. Life is just shitty sometimes. And even though I believe there is a purpose and plan in everything, for the life of me, trying to figure it out sometimes is nothing more than a crazy-making endeavor.

I sure hope your friends child will recover! God bless him and the family with health and peace. And God bless you with relief and comfort.

Cindy said...

Your friend's family -- and you! -- will be in my thoughts in the upcoming days. I'm so sorry that Kaiden and his family are going through this. And I'm sorry for your losses, too. I lost my dad and my oldest brother within eight months of each other. It is hard to deal with multiple losses like that -- especially when someone you love dies young. I'm sending you love.

As Lissa wishes for herself and her friend, I lovingly wish for her also.

Anonymous said...

Lissa, my prayers go to little Kaiden and to his parents. But I also pray for you. I lost a favored uncle in November and my best friend/cousin in December just three days after her 47 birthday. The grief process has been almost unbearable at times. There doesn't seem to be any fairness to all of it. However I try to celebrate their lives in my heart and honor their lives.

Cazamataz said...

I am deeply moved by your journey.....The grief process can feel so very unbearable sometimes.. you have such courage.... my thoughts are with you you wish for yourself i wholeheartedly wish for you also