Thursday, March 26, 2009


13 Things I Have Searched For this Past week

Help! Has anyone seen my car keys? I know that I put them in my purse, I mean the desk, the table or that thing on the wall with the hook on it. Where are they? And who forgot to turn the coffeemaker on? Oh, there they are. Underneath all the papers by my computer. Which reminds me. Where the heck are you BoBo? As soon as I get back we are having a serious chat. Just because you get a girlfriend does not mean one can shirk your responsibilities. Especially when one of them is your MOTHER. Need I remind you that I labored for 23 hours with you, my son? Followed by a c-section? Even though I was sick as a dog and could barely walk, I was there every day for you while you were in the NICU. Therefore, you owe me. Now get home and help me with my computer issues as you promised. Some of us have important things to do, like BLOG. Also tell your little Sweetpea thanks for the Starbucks coffee. She knows how to pick out a great birthday present. Speaking of presents. There is a gift card floating around here somewhere. Please tell me it did not go in the trash with the tissue paper. We already know that
Daddy aka Coach has misplaced my library card. Even though he swears he put it back in my purse after he picked up my last set of books. He can swear all he wants. I may lose my car keys, but never the card to kingdom of knowledge. It is quite possible that he has hidden my sweatpants as well. Well too bad so sad. If he thinks that will make me change into something a little more sexy at bedtime he can just forget it. I can wear my Kermit pajamas every night. Or a t-shirt and his sweatpants. Which I currently have on as I type this. It's a good thing too. Spaghetti straps and silk are not conducive when on the hunt for an elusive cat named Scrappy.
Twice now he has gotten out and gone on the hunt. It is no fun searching in the woods at midnight. It helps if one has a flashlight and batteries. I cannot begin to tell you how many we have and yet not one can seem to found when you desperately need it. Nothing like 20 minutes of your time wasted on searching for something you already have. Which reminds me.
About my ringback tones. I paid for them. So why can't my friends enjoy the sounds of Train,
Pink Floyd and Doctors and The Medics while they are waiting to hear my lovely voice? And how long do I have to wait to hear the voice of a live customer service representative from my cell phone provider?The longer I wait, the older I get. I looked in the mirror and realized that someone had stolen my young,hot body and replaced it with someone else's frumpy one. This will not do. Does anyone have directions to the fountain of youth? My high school reunion is coming up. It would be nice if I looked good. It would be better if I looked like Kate Beckinsale. I have researched digital cameras. So far I haven't found one that makes me look 10 years younger,slimmer or better in all the right places. So why spend the money? Anyway it's cheaper and more fun to fantasize and never leave my chair. I search for clues in a place some people call purgatory but I call Heaven. I get LOST every week with Sawyer and Sayid. They are hot.
I am pretty sure that they feel the same way about me. There are these little things floating before my eyes. This must mean I am psychic. Which means my intuition is correct. The boys on my show want me. The Coach says nada. He reminded me that not only do I have a blocked tear duct, but that the optometrist said that women of my age start to have vision problems. Needless to say I had to look up doctor's number to fix the tear duct. It is bothering me. I have an appointment this afternoon. Also if my dear Coach or the good Doc makes mention of my age again, I will tell them:
I See Dead People
and mean it. Don't mess with my psychic abilities or my fantasies.


Janet said...

I had Misty Mountain Hop on mine and my friends all told me to TAKE IT OFF, already!

Anonymous said...

I'm always losing my car keys. I'm one of those people who DO find them in the refrigerator now and then.

mielikki said...

I tend to lose my keys on a very regular basis. Drives my family nuts. I am surprised they have not gotten me the 'special' keychain that you can clap to find or something...
good TT!

samulli said...

I'm misplacing stuff, too, all the time. Drives me nuts.
What is a ringback tone? *scratch_head* Never mind. Probably not something that'd work on my ancient mobile phone. :-)

Tess said...

I love this! Still not convinced that you were spying on me to gather material for this piece... chuckle